


Late in the Garden

by lucybeetle



Category: Kamen Rider Ghost
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6410128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeetle/pseuds/lucybeetle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan asks a question and finds a surprising source of support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late in the Garden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guava/gifts).



> Requested by guavant on Tumblr, with the prompt "Alan/Onari, 'Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you ...?'"
> 
> Spoilers for all current episodes. Possible **trigger warnings** for suicidal ideation, based on the prompt phrase; although in the story, it's not really spoken with that in mind.

Time passed differently in the human world than it did in Ganma World.

It passed especially slowly for Alan at night, when everything was very dark, and he would be left on his own for a long time and expected to sleep. This was harder than it should have been. He needed to sleep, with the weak human body that he had now; but the thought of being unconscious for hours on end frightened him, knowing that his brother could send an enemy after him at any time whilst Alan was completely defenceless. He’d try to watch for as long as he could, but invariably he would eventually fall asleep, and then when he woke he’d be exhausted. This confused Alan, who thought that sleep was supposed to make him _less_ tired. It was one of many things he did not understand about the human world.

He had gone to bed more than an hour previously, according to the clock on the wall, but his mind would not stay quiet. His stomach hurt and the unfamiliar clothes he was wearing (“pyjamas”, Takeru called them) were chafing. They were borrowed from Takeru but were far too short on Alan. The material was itchy, it didn’t cover his stomach, and was far too tight on his arms where it came up close to his elbows. Although his futon was comfortable, that didn’t make it any easier for him to sleep. After a while, Alan decided he’d make one final check of the grounds and then try harder to sleep again.

When he’d reached the front entrance to the temple, and was certain that he hadn’t woken anyone, he quietly opened the door and slipped out into the yard. It would be wiser of him not to go too far and risk attracting attention. That was fine by him; he thought the grounds pleasant, as this world went. Onari and the smaller monks kept them in order. Alan found the two boys to be rather weak and slow-witted, but they were loyal to Takeru and they seemed to understand the importance of the Eyecons. Onari on the other hand had barely spoken to Alan at all. He seemed to enjoy speaking _about_ Alan, because whenever Alan came into the room, Onari would usually stop talking and then cast guilty glances across at him. It was barely surprising that Narita and Shibuya were not of a higher standard, when their master lacked the slightest suggestion of self-awareness.

“Master Alan!”

That sounded like Onari now, in fact. Alan frowned for a moment, wondering if he were imagining things; but then he saw a familiar bald head moving across the grass toward him.

“Are you all right?” said Onari.

“I’m fine,” said Alan. He wondered if he had woken Onari. Alan was aware that humans liked things to be very quiet at night, otherwise they were inclined to wake up before it was light again and that made them angry.

“It would be wiser if you would go inside. It is unsafe for you to be here at night unless Master Takeru is also present.”

Onari took Alan’s arm and began to lead him back towards the temple. Alan had to let him do this, because Takeru had already risked a great deal in order to keep Alan safe. It was the least he could do to comply with what Takeru had asked.

When they were inside the door, Onari said “Goodnight, Master Alan. Do you need anything?”

Alan didn’t reply. He expected Onari to take his leave and go back to bed; but Onari said “If I may inquire … are you sure? You look fatigued. I do not believe Master Alan is sleeping well.”

“I find sleeping difficult,” said Alan.

“Perhaps some tea would help you? It can be very restful when someone is unable to sleep.”

Alan was not sure that he liked tea. At the temple, everyone drank it several times a day; but when he tried it, the tea had been far too hot and burnt his tongue.

“No, thank you.” That was what one was supposed to say when you did not want to do something that a human asked.

“Are you sure? It will settle your stomach.”

That sounded nice, at least. Alan had a constant tense, anxious feeling in his stomach now and sometimes he would have actual stomachaches that hurt quite badly. Kanon had said that it was because he’d been through so much trauma, although he thought it was more to do with his body simply not being used to eating. Either way, he didn’t complain as Onari poured out a cup of tea for him.  

Alan regarded it warily, and took a cautious sip, then another sip. It did feel soothing.

Onari smiled. “You see, Master Alan? Every monk must know how to make tea.” Onari began talking about the spiritual properties of tea and how Shibuya, who had arrived at the temple unable to so much as boil a kettle, could now perform a full tea ceremony. Alan did not understand most of this kind of talk. He was not sure what the monks did nor what the temple was for; although he’d heard their praying and chanting, and it reminded him very much of his father’s faith. That, he supposed, meant that Onari must be a good person. Onari did not come across as powerful in any way, and yet he was esteemed on earth for his knowledge. Alan supposed it was only natural that the best of the human world would be limited compared to … well, the Ganma world wasn’t perfect, Alan knew that now. But his father had been a perfect being. The world his father had _wanted_ to create would have been perfect.

“Is something wrong?”

It took Alan several moments to realise that Onari had spoken to him. Alan opened his mouth and then closed it again. He had no idea how to put what he was feeling into words, and even if he had there was absolutely no point in expecting Onari to understand.

Onari moved across and took Alan’s hands in his own, “I understand that Master Alan is in a parlous situation. Perhaps you do not feel comfortable sharing confidences with me … but it may help you. It is noble to wish to spare others from our own troubles, and yet sometimes we cannot bear all our sorrows ourselves. I desire to be your friend, Master Alan. The same is true of Master Takeru, and Akari.”

Alan snorted. He’d convinced Akari that he wasn’t out to stab Takeru in the back, at the very least; but she was far too suspicious for her own good. He couldn’t see her ever becoming a real friend.

“What is it?” said Onari, and frowned.

Alan meant to say something non-committal, which would (he hoped) indicate that he’d quite like to go back to bed now; telling Onari to go away was tempting, but inadvisable given that he was currently providing Alan with shelter. Alan opened his mouth to say  _I’m fine_ or _I’m very tired_ or _Please excuse me_ but instead heard “Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you …?” When he registered that he had said this, he felt regret almost immediately. He had meant it as a statement of fact: his brother clearly hated him, and there was no good reason for Takeru and the others to take Alan into their home. Onari, however, was almost certain to hear it as self-pity.

Onari was silent for a moment. He let go of Alan’s hands, and closed his eyes; probably considering his response, but knowing Onari he could have gone off onto a completely different train of thought. Just when Alan was about to excuse himself, Onari said “Everyone is born for a reason, and Master Alan is no different. If you did not deserve to exist, you would not have incarnated here.” He placed a hand on Alan’s shoulder, “That you may not yet have discovered your purpose in this lifetime does not mean your existence is futile.”

“I don’t understand you. You’re strange,” said Alan. He exhaled in frustration, and his breath ruffled a little piece of the hair that hung over his face.

“It is natural that at a time like this there will be many things which you do not understand. Instead of anger, can you not try to show yourself a little patience?”

“Patience?” Alan stood up, “In my situation, could _you_ be patient?”

“In truth, I am not sure I could. That is why I consider Master Alan a most remarkable person.”

Alan swallowed. His throat felt very dry and tight. This also happened to him quite often, now. He knew that humans were supposed to drink water regularly to keep their bodies functioning, but he did not feel like going to get it, “I’m going to bed now.”

“Very well, Master Alan. Is there anything you need?” said Onari.

“I want some water … please.”

Onari went off to the kitchen and returned with a jug and glass for Alan, “Sleep well. It is important for you to get plenty of rest.”

“Goodnight,” said Alan, because he knew that it was important to use this word when humans went to sleep. When _he_ went to sleep, now that he was a human. It was the word Takeru’s Driver used: _good n-eye-ght._

He was pressed up against a soft chest, and there were arms around him, and a chin pressing against the top of Alan’s head. Alan struggled for a moment before realising that Onari was trying to give him a hug.

“Remember, Master Alan, we do not accomplish everything in one day. We are always becoming something new. If today you did not achieve what you hoped for, you can begin again in any moment.”

Alan did not quite understand this, and yet it sounded familiar. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine his father speaking. His father, of course, had never said anything like it. His words were usually about what a liability emotion was, and yet the last thing he had ever said to Alan had been: _Listen to your heart._

Alan’s was telling him that he would quite like to be Onari’s friend.


End file.
